The Mets Are Not a Real Team

When a professional athlete or team is awful beyond the point of logical comprehension, my friends and I always say that player or team is "not real." For example, big left-hander Mark Hendrickson (formerly of the New Jersey Nets) was the Florida Marlins' opening day starter this season. He's "not real." The Miami Heat's roster for the latter portion of this season -- boasting D-League studs like Joel Anthony, Kasim Powell and Stephane Lasme -- was "not real."

That leads us to my New York Mets. Though they currently sit at 8-6, just a half game behind the Marlins for first place in the NL East, the Mets are not real. It pains me to say it, but it's true. Just look at the Mets' everyday lineup:

1-Jose Reyes, SS
2-Ryan Church, RF
3-David Wright, 3B
4-Carlos Beltran, CF
5-Carlos Delgado, 1B
6-Angel Pagan, LF
7-Brian Schneider, C
8-Luis Castillo, 2B

I look at that and I very nearly vomit. That configuration is really difficult to stomach on a nightly basis. Casual baseball fans would say there are 4-5 real players in that lineup: Reyes, Wright, Beltran, Delgado and perhaps Castillo. In reality, the Mets have only three real hitters, if that. They are Wright, Beltran, and maybe Reyes.

Delgado provided a clutch RBI single against the Nationals last night, but it came off big-time bum Jon Rauch. Those of us who are familiar with NL East baseball know that Rauch is definitely not real. Delgado has been OK to this point in the season, but in general he's finished. He can't hit anything at 92 mph or above, and he's a non-factor against left-handed pitching. He blows in the field, too. Delgado actually dropped a throw the other day. Not in the dirt or anything, just an easy toss from Wright -- popped out of his glove. What is this, Little League?

Castillo is nearly a .300 lifetime hitter, so fans who haven't been following closely might think that he's real. Nope. Definitely not. Castillo has two bad knees and he can't hit the ball out of the infield. Not that he hit the ball out of the infield much in the past, but he used to be able to beat out slow choppers. Now he chops them and he's out by 40 feet at first. Nice work on the four-year contract Omar Minaya. Between Minaya and Willie Randolph, I'm gonna be a Royals fan before I know it.

Then there's Reyes. He's "real" because of his basestealing, defense and general raw speed, but I'm still not sold on him at the plate. The mechanics of his lefty swing are absolutely atrocious. He's found a way to make it work in the past, but the herky-jerkyness doesn't lend itself to long-term consistency. His right-handed swing, however, is more natural and smooth. For Reyes, it's too bad that 70-80 percent of pitchers are righties.

So that leaves Church, Pagan and Schneider. I like Church against righties. His stroke is fluid and he really trusts his hands through the zone. He still chases too much junk in the dirt for my liking, particularly against southpaws.

Pagan has played inspired ball, but I think we all know it's just a fluke. He's excited about the opportunity he has in Moises Alou's absence, and he's capitalizing to the best of his ability. But expect his batting average to drop consistently from now until the point when Alou returns. The saddest part about Pagan's inevitable demotion to the bench? We won't get to see the fans at Shea Stadium standing and flapping their metaphorical wings like Disney's "Angels in the Outfield."

And Schneider, well, I've never liked the guy. Ever since Buck Martinez chose Schneider as his catcher for the USA team during the World Baseball Classic, I've hated them both. Schneider just can't hit. He just can't. His lifetime average is below .260.

Sadly enough, the Mets' bullpen is also not real. Aaron Heilman is easily one of the worst setup men in all of baseball, Jorge Sosa is going through a Rick Ankiel control stage, and Matt Wise's fastball was around 67 mph before heading for the disabled list.

On the bright side, both the lineup and bullpen have the potential to become real. If Alou and catcher Ramon Castro can return to the lineup healthy and relatively productive, that will have a drastic impact on the Mets' success.

Formerly nasty right-hander Duaner Sanchez has finally returned to the bullpen after a loooong hiatus. If he can get anywhere near where he was in 2006, the Mets can push shitty Heilman back to the 7th inning, or maybe trade him. The ever-reliable lefty Pedro Feliciano deserves the 7th inning anyway. He's been untouchable the past season and a half. Other lefty Scott Schoeneweis shows occasional signs of life, as well.

As far as starting pitching goes, even without Pedro Martinez and Orlando Hernandez, the Mets' rotation is still real by today's standards. Johan Santana, John Maine and Oliver Perez are a strong 1-2-3, and young sinkerballer Mike Pelfrey is off to a dominant start. Journeyman Nelson Figueroa has been surprisingly effective, too.

So while the Mets aren't "real" right now, they have the potential to improve significantly within the next month and a half/two months. The extent of the improvement will be dependent on Alou, Castro, Sanchez, and perhaps El Duque. Hopefully we can hold our own until some of the "real" players return to form.